An Editorial Part B

BEGIN PART 2 and the Bulk of the Essay. See past post to get the scoop.

My SAT Proctoring experience by Colleen Evanson

For starters I would like to state to all those who think this is somehow involved with being a proctologist that you are incorrect. However, I shant deny that sitting in silence for 3 hours and 45 minutes can be considered a pain in the ass.

"So," you ask inquistively, "if this doesn't literally involve butts then what exactly are you doing?"

Good question friend. Well remember back in high school (if you are still in high school use imagination - role play if you will, but not like an internet predator does that's just wrong. I saw a special on Dateline about it.) So remember back in high school when you were told you HAD to take the SAT and it was all important to get into college? Yeah, I get to be the person who talks to you and guides you through this atrocious thing.

I had to get up at like 6:30am to be here at 7:15 so I could collect proper materials and write important junk on the board for you to bubble sheet. I didn't have to slave up a hill barefoot but I like sleeping and also it was raining so there goes the chance to impress all the students by having a choice hair-do. I guess I'll have to default back to my SLAMIN' bod.

Another fun fact is taht the room I sat in was of course hot and humid. There is this one girl still rocking a sweatshirt. It is unclear to me how she is capable of this unless perhaps she forgot to wear a shirt underneath or maybe she hates her body, which is ridiculous because at most she is a size 5 but you know how they vary from store to store. P.S. - Who is in charge of that anyway? As a society I feel that the issue should have been properly handled already.

Anyway, I didn't volunteer for this. I'm not dumb. Volunteer work is for suckers. I am getting paid some sweet sweet money; US currency, which isn't doing as well as the Euro but I'll take it. At least it's not some third world money which is probs made of dirt and sticks. I mean let's be real here, money makes the world go round. I bet you are thinking "yeah I've heard that 1,000 times." Well you know why? Because it's true. Money and ladies because ladies (hot or not and I'm def the former) give birth to babies which turn into people who, guess what? Use money. Some of them babies turn into boys and others girls - that's called society - look it up! I'd say google it but that's such a hackneyed expression now a days. Plus I have seen these ads claiming that Ask.com is better because it associates related topics to your search but that could be false advertising propaganda. Gotta watch out for that, some deals are just too good to be true. Like when stuff is advertised as being 99 cents it's pretty much 1 dollar and then some, like $1.08. I'm sorry but that's 9 more cents than what you advertised for and I just don't have that kind of money - then I have to go and put back the Durag from Dollar King and people are looking at you like you're stupid.
Well I'm not! I went to college at Ithaca - that's a private school not one of those SUNYs. And you know what else? I got in even with my terrible SAT score and not like terrible as in a 1400 instead of 1600, though I hear they changed the scoring system. I mean terrible as in when I got the test score back I started looking for the other half of my points.

If it sounds like I have some issues with this test you would be assuming right, friend of friends. First of all, if you are going to change the scoring system let's make it some thing awesome like kitties and make it a simple 1-5 scale. Second, I'm sorry but this math ish has got to go. If you want to be a math person teacher or some kind of math user in your profession good for you but most don't. This test serves like 5% of the population - IF that. What's some thing everyone uses? Well let's see: the bathroom, TV, a fridge, good, a car, stores to buy things. That's all we need. Let's get our priorities in check.

You may be thinking, "well you're just bitter you didn't do well on the SAT." Yeah, so?! I'm not hiding it. But I'm in the right here. I still got into a smart person school and I studied TV and I'll probs be richer than any math teacher. Even though Notorious BIG said, "mo' money, mo' problems, " which was true for him since he got shot, but that's not going to happen to me. Yes I may rap on the weekends but I'm not hater and I'm going to invest my money into things that are used like toilet paper. I bet stock never goes down in that, no matter what the season. Also overpopulation is more people and more TP needed to serve their daily needs. I mean hello? Are you listening to me here, I'm like a genius.

Screw the SAT I'm going to tell them that in the next 25 minute section they need to draw a picture of a car from the future and name it. That's def more useful than vocabulary because I've been in the "real world" and people who use big words aren't popular. No one likes a smart ass showing it off. No one will know what you're talking about, they'll think you have a god complex and I'm pretty sure the Bible states there is only ONE god, though I'm not too sure how that holy trinity works. I guess God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit join forces making a kind of transformer of gods. Though let's be honest, what power does the Holy Spirit really have? Total third wheel.

If you want some real advice for the future look out for machines, they do everything. Know their weaknesses. You should probably know karate too, that seems to help. Maybe build a metal suit that's light weight so when you karate chop the machine it does some serious damage. Chainmill doesn't count.
The other way to beat robots is to think creatively, think outside the box. As you probably know by now I'm pretty awesome at that so I'll survive the electronic holocaust when it comes. After all there were 3 movies about it. Huh? Three, just like the holy trinity - yeah that's right, coincidence? I think not. Last time I checked movies could also be documentaries meaning everything is true. And I should know - I studied that ish in college. Don't you dare say TV is not the same as a film either. It is too!

In conclusion, I made 95 bucks today and you didn't so I win.

An Editorial Part A

So I know I haven't updated in forevs, but I've been busy enjoying my time back home on LI. However this isn't one of those catch up posts where I talk about what I'm doing, I'm actually going to come up HUGE with a very long post. Basically I proctored an SAT exam and those puppies are like 4 hours long and I only talk for about 10 minutes total. So of course I wrote an essay. Today I would like to post it to the world. Ready? OK!

Please pace yourselves as it is a multi pager.


About the Author:

Colleen Evanson is a vibrant 22 year old who recently graduated from the Ithaca College Park School of Communications. In the Ithaca College placement exam she was deemed an effective writer. This is her first essay about proctoring the SAT exam.

Preface:

I got the idea for this essay while sitting at a teachers desk in the silence of the SAT exam. Luckily the teacher had loose leaf paper which is, I'm happy to point out, more than 3 hole punched for your conveinence.

I had written essays before while working as an Orientation Leader at IC where I was a proctor for the writing placement exam. So I guess you could argue that this proctoring experience was meant to be.

This essay is much longer than the ones I wrote at Ithaca perhaps because the exam time was shorter there. Clearly there is more time to kill when I decide to go and write a preface.

END PART ONE