Oh no you didn't

Dear Col,

Can you believe the nerve of people out there on the internet? They'll launch a new website, say, onlyincali.com for example, and then they'll go make posts on other people's sites for no other reason then to advertise theirs. I mean are people just that desperate to get their sites up and running and getting hits? What do you think should be done to these people?

- a digital pimp

Dear Digital Pimp,

I can understand the need to post on my site as it is seen by probably the whole entire world, but posting on some small independent website isn't where the sweet sweet money is. As a pimp I'm sure you enjoy hangin out with Benjamin. I frequent his house.

Personally, and I'm being completely honest here, I have so much power over the internet - I basically invented it with Al Gore - that I could shut down any of these feeble attempts at online fame. How dare they mooch off the successful blogs! This is an outrage! I suggest if they have a contact us or email address to just sent them tons of Forwarded emails. Or you could find a nice Hallmark card and write scathing remarks on it to catch them by surprise. They'll be all "Oh someone loves me so much they sent me a nice card with a fuzzy teddy bear!" and they you will write stuff like "You suck" and they'll be all sad and bummed.

that's the more passive way to go, and I'm sure as a digital pimp you are aware of the digital knives you could get to, how shall I say, "cut them fools."