Whatcha gonna do?

DEAR COL,

Throughout my life I have traveled from the halls of existence to the small stillbie markets of the southern northwest. I have seen so many things and people and dogs and fake tans, but really I just have one question:

What are you going to do with all that junk, all that junk that's in your trunk? What are you going to do with all them ass, all them ass inside those jeans?
This question has just been PLAGUING me.

Please help,

Forever yours,

Your heart's truest wish.


Dear Your (My) heart's truest wish,

Well if I were to consult the Black Eye Peas I know that Fergie would tell me to make you scream - m-m-make you scream. However, I am not Fergie. It's really a matter of storage. The junk in my trunk doesn't take up too much room - I have an emergency safety kit, jumper cables, some extra water for the radiator, a first aid kit, spare wheel, and an old ratty blanket. There is able room for other things but what else would I need? Perhaps if my ride was pimped I could get a DJ turntable set or a Playstation 2 system with TVs but alas Exhibit has not visited so I must go without it. So I guess the junk in my trunk stays, but I don't consider it junk, I consider it an assortment of things.

As for my jeans and the ass that occupies them..well, it really depends. I wear jeans for all sorts of things. I can go casual with just a tshirt, or dress them up with a blazer. I favor wearing jeans over other pant materials now a days. The ass tends to be doing internships, walking around LA, occasionally riding the bus, and watching tv in my apartment. So there is exercise and calmness for my ass inside my jeans.

Hope that answers your question and you are no longer plagued...and I would get that checked out if it doesn't go away because I'm pretty sure the plague hasn't been around in like forevs. You could be a flight risk to the rest of the human race if you are walking around in public with that ish.